Personality in Order

I’ve seen the rain fall and the heat simmer I’ve seen boats float and sink amid the channel islands, sailing the south side of Catalina and a small island village where

cretins

smoke

crack

(Drink booze like water from adult sippy cups)

And I’ve been everything from a well-behaved child to a problem teen, an all-star baseball player to a pine riding rebel: hair like Billy Idol, eyes like Jessica Rabbit, a habit like a crusty Burroughs.
I’ve been a highschool dropout a private school brat, ($10,000 for a faux piece of paper), a college dropout and honor student; a college employee and a suspended employee for using my fist on another’s head.

I’ve been

a piano player

a carpenter

a guitar player

a writer

a poet

a journalist

a playwright

I’ve been a nice guy, a dick, a guy who is tough and a guy who is weak, I’ve been a good guy a bad guy a weird guy a monotonous sham with too many “clicks.”

I’ve been a good son, a very very bad son, a father of grace and father of major disappointment:

No money house or car

No anything

Not even sanity.

I’ve been a junkie a drunk a cokehead a tweaker a stoner

a junkie

a junkie

a junkie.

I’ve been a good and bad husband and a decent and terrible friend. I’ve been selfish and overly giving to the right and the wrong;

I’ve been optimistic when problems arise, pesimistic when problems arise.

I’ve been attractive and ugly and in and out of touch, terrified and confused and highly Misinformed

I’ve been sure and not so sure of myself, not sure I deserve the opportunity to walk the earth with the others who aren’t

sick

judged

doomed from the start.

And despite the scars, resentments, police record, countless ostracizations from

Friends

Society

Family

Foes

I’ve been a human being the entire time, who tries and tries and smiles when given a simple smile first (or in return), who knows money is NOT God, and NOT more important than

family

friends

even foes

I’ve been a man who admits his mistakes then does them again and again. Futile apologies, endeavors that make people tired and nearly divorced.

I’ve been a burden and a great help, a human being and nothing else.

Poem by Jon Vreeland Art and Photo by Alycia Vreeland

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